You are a hipster douchebag if…

If any two or more of the following apply to you, then you are a hipster douchebag:

  • You own a pair of Beats headphones and actually paid full price for it. (Lil Wayne is paid to wear his in public, are you?)
  • You wear 1980s style oversized eye glasses when your eyesight is fine
  • You have tattoos and are neither a native Samoan, nor part of a neo nazi prison gang. At least they fucking stand for something, unlike a shitty butterfly wrapped in barbed wire or whatever the hell you have.
  • You’re a guy and wear skinny jeans. You have balls so let them breathe.
  • You’re a girl and dress like Cyndi Lauper without knowing who she actually is
  • You get the latest iPhone as soon as its released but are proud of being individual
  • You like the world to think you are proud of being a nerd, yet you are athletically gifted, popular at school, attractive to others, have self-confidence, can control your levels of perspiration in public, and your mother never picked out your clothes well into your late teens. You are not a nerd.
  • You listen to Mumford & Sons and think you can tell the difference between their songs. No you can’t. No one can
  • You have an oversized beard that took way too long to grow which you thinks makes you look manly but looks more like a toilet brush stuck to your chin
  • You button your top button but don’t know how to tie a tie

You are sheep. You are marks. Your waste your money, time, and effort on not being who you really are. If you’re lame then be lame. If you’re traditional, business like, beatnik, eclectic, boring, sporty, classical, punk, intellectual, mod, bohemian, posh, tomboy… then be just that. Just don’t be what the latest thing is just because it’s the latest thing.


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