Gun control

“Ladies and gentlemen of the press. It has come to my attention that some nights ago several innocent bystanders were shot dead in a High School parking lot. And this incident has annoyed me somewhat. This is yet just another example of the negative attitude that the liberal media of this country continue to uphold when it comes to the use of firearms. And I for one have had enough! It is every-American’s-God-given-right to carry a firearm on his person; it says so in our constitution! Now, it pains me to say this, but if these people had been carrying a weapon on their persons at the time, they would not have been prone to, and invited the opportunity to be attacked– and that’s the truth! I am sick and tired of these vile, lethal, unarmed terrorists walking the streets of this country inciting violence and inviting crime! Firearms save lives; it’s as simple as that. Statistics show that a person carrying a handgun is more likely to do the shooting than be shot himself! So what more do you want?! They are the most practical and versatile of all lethal weapons, easily accessible as part of a shoulder-holster, or nestling peacefully at the bottom of a school bag. I urge the members of this community to go out there and to use all of their intellect to apprehend these assailants, so that I may congratulate him on being true Americans! Then afterwards I’ll be a true American myself and see them executed!”

– every N.R.A member, ever


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